Three Ha'pence a Foot-Stanley Holloway

[00:05.06]I'll tell you an old fashioned story [00:07.36]That Grandfather used to relate [00:09.73]Of a joiner and building contractor [00:12.31]Is name it were Sam Oglethwaite [00:15.04]In a shop on the banks of the Irwell [00:17.38]Old Sam used to follow is trade [00:19.87]In a place you'll have eard of called Bury [00:22.91]You know where black puddings is made [00:26.06]One day Sam were filling a knot ole [00:28.50]Wi putty when in thro the door [00:31.06]Came an old feller fair wreathed wi whiskers [00:34.26]Tould chap said ood morning I'm Noah [00:38.04]Sam asked Noah what was is business [00:40.53]And tould chap went on to remark [00:42.91]That not liking the look of the weather [00:45.35]E were thinking of building an Ark [00:48.02]E d gotten the wood for the bulwarks [00:50.71]And all tother shipbuilding junk [00:53.24]And wanted some nice Bird's Eye Maple [00:56.20]To panel the side of is bunk [00:58.92]Now Maple were Sam's Monopoly [01:01.61]That means it were all is to cut [01:04.29]And nobody else adn't got none [01:06.91]So e asked Noah three ha'pence a foot [01:10.35]A ha'penny too much replied Noah [01:13.14]A Penny a foot's more the mark [01:15.60]A penny a foot and when t'rain comes [01:18.47]I'll give you a ride in me Ark [01:21.12]But neither would budge in the bargain [01:23.57]The whole daft thing were kind of a jam [01:26.42]So Sam put is tongue out at Noah [01:29.14]And Noah made Long Bacon* at Sam [01:32.32]In wrath and ill feeling they parted [01:35.06]Not knowing when they'd meet again [01:38.07]And Sam had forgot all about it [01:40.76]Til one day it started to rain [01:44.16]It rained and it rained for a fortni't [01:47.19]And flooded the ole countryside [01:50.21]It rained and it kept on raining [01:53.32]Til the Irwell were fifty mile wide [01:57.15]The couses were soon under water [01:59.69]And folks to the roof ad to climb [02:02.55]They said twas the rottenest summer [02:04.95]That Bury ad ad for some time [02:07.68]The rain showed no sign of abating [02:10.11]And water rose hour by hour [02:12.67]Til the only dry land were at Blackpool [02:15.53]And that were on top of the Tower [02:18.14]So Sam started swimming to Blackpool [02:20.97]It took 'im best part of a week [02:23.45]Is clothes were wet through when'e got there [02:26.04]And s boots were beginning to leak [02:28.82]E stood to is watch chain in water [02:31.53]On Tower top just before dark [02:34.21]When who should come sailing towards im [02:36.82]But old Noah steering is Ark [02:39.97]They stared at each other in silence [02:42.89]Til Ark were alongside all but [02:45.64]Then Noah said What price yer Maple [02:48.77]Sam answered Three ha'pence a foot [02:51.95]Noah said Nay I'll make thee an offer [02:54.87]The same as I did t'other day [02:57.42]A penny a foot and a free ride [03:00.17]Now come on lad what does tha say [03:04.11]Three hapence a foot came the answer [03:06.72]So Noah is sail ad to hoist [03:09.35]And sailed off again in a dudgeon [03:11.88]While Sam stood determined but moist [03:15.53]Noah cruised around flying is pigeons [03:19.21]Til fortieth day of the wet [03:21.80]And on is way back passing Blackpool [03:24.70]E saw old Sam standing there yet [03:27.92]Is chin just stuck out of the water [03:30.86]A comical figure e cut [03:33.55]Noah said Now what's the price of yer Maple [03:37.54]Sam answered Three ha'pence a foot [03:41.27]Said Noah Yed best take my offer [03:44.12]It's last time I'll be hereabout [03:47.10]And if water comes half an inch higher [03:50.20]I'll happen get Maple for nowt [03:53.71]Three hapence a foot it'll cost yer [03:56.35]And as fer me Sam said don't fret [03:59.88]The sky's took a turn since this morning [04:03.21]I think it'll brighten up yet