Sam Goes to It-Stanley Holloway

[ti:Sam Goes To It] [ar:Stanley Holloway] [al:EMI Comedy Classics] [by:] [offset:0] [00:01.01]Sam Goes to It - Stanley Holloway [00:03.86] [00:08.84]Sam Small had retired from the Army [00:11.02]In the old Duke of Wellington's time [00:13.22] [00:13.94]So when present unpleasantness started [00:16.61]He were what you might call past his prime [00:19.78]He'd lived for some years in retirement [00:22.52]And knew nowt of war if you please [00:25.86]Till they blasted and bombed his allotment [00:28.67]And shelled the best part of his peas [00:32.10]T were as if bugles called Sam to duty [00:34.90]For his musket he started to search [00:37.43] [00:37.94]He found it at last in the Hen house [00:40.45]Buff Orpingtons had it for perch [00:43.39]Straight off to the Fusilliers' depot [00:46.52]He went to rejoin his old troop [00:49.04]Where he found as they couldn't recruit Him [00:52.14]Until his age group was called up [00:55.09]Now Sam wasn't getting no younger [00:58.12]Past the three score and ten years was he [01:01.21]And he reckoned by time they reached his age group [01:04.03]He'd be very near ten score and three [01:06.73] [01:07.24]So he took up the matter with Churchill [01:09.16] [01:09.95]Who said I don't know what to do [01:13.57]Never was there a time when so many [01:16.84]Came asking so much from so few [01:20.70]I don't want no favours Sam answered [01:23.53]Don't think as I'm one of that mob [01:26.05]All I'm asking is give me the tools lad [01:29.40]And let me help finish the job [01:31.92]I'll fit you in somewhere said Winnie [01:34.89]Old soldiers we must not discard [01:37.57] [01:38.80]Then seeing he'd got his own musket [01:41.64]He sent him to join the Home Guard [01:44.60]They gave Sam a coat with no stripes on [01:47.87]In spite of the service he'd seen [01:50.40]Which considering he'd been a King's sergeant [01:53.73]Kind of rankled you know what I mean [01:56.82]He said I come back to the Army [01:59.95]Expecting my country's thanks [02:02.61]And the first thing I find when I get here [02:05.37]Is that I've been reduced to the ranks [02:08.03]He found all the lads sympathetic [02:10.70]They agreed that 'twere a disgrace [02:13.54]Except one old chap in the corner [02:16.47]With a nutcracker kind of a face [02:19.17]Said the old fella Who do you think you are [02:22.74]The last to appear on the scene [02:25.45]And you start off by wanting promotion [02:27.64] [02:28.89]Last come last served see what I mean [02:32.77]Said Sam Wasn't I at Corunna [02:35.60]And when company commander got shot [02:37.88]Didn't I lead battalion to victory [02:40.29]Said the old fella No you did not [02:43.82] [02:44.36]I didn't said Sam quite indignent [02:46.92]Why in every fight Wellington fought [02:48.57] [02:49.45]Wasn't I at his right hand to guard him [02:52.51]Said old chap You were nowt of the sort [02:56.79]What do you know of Duke and his battles [02:59.12]Said Sam with a whithering look [03:01.53]Said the old man I ought to know something [03:04.81] [03:05.49]Between you and me I'm the Duke [03:08.92] [03:09.52]And if you should look in any evening [03:12.53]You'll find them both in the canteen [03:15.43]Ex Commander in Chief and ex Sergeant [03:18.68]Both just Home Guards you know what I mean