The 'Ole In The Ark-Stanley Holloway

[ti:The 'Ole In The Ark] [ar:Stanley Holloway] [al:EMI Comedy Classics] [by:] [offset:0] [00:00.00]The 'Ole In The Ark - Stanley Holloway [00:07.29]One evening at dusk as noah stood on his ark [00:11.44]Putting green oil in starboard side lamp [00:14.74]His wife came along and said noah summat's wrong [00:19.05]Our cabin is getting quite damp [00:21.53]Noah said is that so then he went down below [00:25.20]And found it were right what she'd said [00:28.13]For there on the floor quite a puddle he saw [00:31.35]It was slopping around under t bed [00:34.26]Said he there's an ole in the bottom somewhere [00:37.46]We must find it before we retire [00:40.21]Then he thowt for a bit and he said aye that's it [00:43.67]A bloodhound is what we require [00:46.53]So he went and fetched bloodhound [00:48.55]From place where it lay [00:50.83]Tween the skunk and the polecat it were [00:53.96]And as things there below were a trifle so so [00:57.92]It were glad of a breath of fresh air [01:00.82]They followed the sound as it went sniffing round [01:04.44]Til at last they located the leak [01:07.48]Twere a small hole in the side about two inches wide [01:10.54]Where a swordfish had poked in its beak [01:13.71]And by gum how the wet squirted in through that hole [01:19.04]Well young shem who at sums was expert [01:22.86]Worked it out on his slate that it came at the rate [01:26.43]Of per gallon per second per squirt [01:29.80]The bloodhound tried hard to keep water in check [01:33.27]By lapping it up with his tongue [01:35.83]But it came in so fast through that hole that at last [01:38.27]He shoved in his nose for a bung [01:41.70]The poor faithful hound he were very near drowned [01:46.93]They dragged him away none too soon [01:50.05]For the stream as it rose pushed its way up his nose [01:53.58]And blew him up like a balloon [01:56.57]And then mrs noah shoved her elbow in thole [02:00.72]And said eh it's stopped I believe [02:03.87]But they found very soon as she'd altered her tune [02:06.48]For the water had got up her sleeve [02:09.65]When she saw as her elbow weren't doing much good [02:13.71]She said to noah I've an idea [02:17.15]You sit on the leak and by tend of the week [02:21.13]There's no knowing the weather may clear [02:24.17]Noah didn't think much to this notion at all [02:28.17]But reckoned he'd give it a try [02:30.00] [02:30.52]On the ole down he flopped and the leaking all stopped [02:34.92]And all except him was quite dry [02:38.27]They took him his breakfast and dinner and tea [02:42.36]As day after day there he sat [02:46.26]Til the rain was all passed and they landed at last [02:49.69]On top side of mount ararat [02:52.82]And that is how noah got them all safe ashore [02:57.95]But ever since then strange to tell [03:01.88]Them as helped save the ark has all carried a mark [03:06.02]Aye and all their descendants as well [03:09.73]That's why dog has a cold nose and ladies cold elbows [03:16.17] [03:17.10]You'll also find if you enquire [03:20.44]That's why a man takes his coat tails in hand [03:24.40]And stands with his back to the fire