The Lion & Albert-Stanley Holloway

[ti:The Lion & Albert] [ar:Stanley Holloway] [al:At His Very Best] [by:] [offset:0] [00:02.43]There's a famous seaside place called Blackpool [00:05.13]That's noted for fresh air and fun [00:07.46]And Mr and Mrs Ramsbottom [00:08.64]Went there with young Albert their son [00:11.96]A fine little lad were young Albert [00:14.08]All dressed in his best quite a swell [00:16.73]He'd a stick with an 'orse's 'ead 'andle; [00:18.40]The finest that Woolworth's could sell [00:21.68]They didn't think much to the ocean [00:23.74]The waves they were piddlin' and small [00:26.26]There were no wrecks and nobody drownded [00:29.42]'Fact nothin' to laugh at at all [00:31.68]So seeking for further amusement [00:33.30]They paid and went into the zoo [00:36.48]Where they'd lions and tigers and camels [00:39.49]And cold ale and sandwiches too [00:42.41]There were one great big lion called Wallace [00:45.10]Whose nose was all covered with scars; [00:48.29]He lay in a som-no-lent posture [00:51.47]With the side of 'is face on the bars [00:54.17]Now Albert 'ad 'eard about lions- [00:56.54]'Ow they was ferocious and wild; [00:59.23]To see lion lyin' so peaceful [01:01.94]Just didn't seem right to the child [01:04.43]So straightway the brave little feller [01:07.14]Not showin' a morsel of fear [01:09.70]Took 'is stick with the 'orse's 'ead 'andle [01:12.34]And stuck it in Wallace's ear [01:15.19]You could see that the lion din't like it [01:17.76]For givin' a kind of a roll [01:20.15]'E pulled Albert inside the cage with 'im [01:23.17]And swallered the little lad - 'ole [01:26.04]Now Mother 'ad seen this occurrence [01:28.17]And not knowin' what to do next [01:31.42]She 'ollered "Yon lion's et Albert " [01:35.42]An' Father said "Ee I am vexed " [01:39.13]They complained to an animal keeper [01:42.81]Who said "My wot a nasty mis'ap; [01:51.17]Are you sure it's your boy 'e's eaten " [01:54.23]Pa said "Am I sure There's 'is cap " [01:56.07]The manager 'ad to be sent for; [02:01.23]'E came and 'e said "Wot's to-do " [02:05.11]Ma said "Yon lion's et Albert [02:07.50]And 'im in 'is Sunday clothes too " [02:10.08]Father said "Right's right young feller- [02:12.64]I think it's a shame and a sin [02:14.97]To 'ave our son et by a lion [02:17.67]And after we paid to come in " [02:19.56]The manager wanted no trouble; [02:20.58]He took out his purse right away [02:23.61]Sayin' "'Ow much to settle the matter " [02:26.42]Pa said "Wot do you usually pay " [02:28.93]But Mother 'ad turned a bit awkward [02:31.11]When she saw where 'er Albert 'ad gone [02:33.73]She said "No someone's got to be summonsed " [02:37.42]So that was decided upon [02:39.42]And off they all went to p'lice station [02:41.55]In front of a Magistrate chap; [02:43.55]They told what 'ad 'appened to Albert [02:45.77]And proved it by showing 'is cap [02:48.39]The Magistrate gave 'is opinion [02:51.28]That no one was really to blame [02:53.98]And 'e said that 'e 'oped the Ramsbottoms [02:56.73]Would 'ave further sons to their name [02:59.63]At that Mother got proper blazin': [03:02.63]"And thank you sir kindly " said she- [03:05.99]"Wot spend all our lives raisin' children [03:09.24]To feed ruddy lions Not me "