The 'Ole In The Ark-Stanley Holloway

[00:06.98]One evening at dusk as noah stood on his ark [00:11.33]Putting green oil in starboard side lamp [00:14.78]His wife came along and said noah summat's wrong [00:18.79]Our cabin is getting quite damp [00:21.79]Noah said is that so then he went down below [00:25.04]And found it were right what she'd said [00:27.91]For there on the floor quite a puddle he saw [00:31.09]It was slopping around under t bed [00:34.14]Said he there's an ole in the bottom somewhere [00:37.20]We must find it before we retire [00:40.17]Then he thowt for a bit and he said aye that's it [00:43.40]A bloodhound is what we require [00:46.68]So he went and fetched bloodhound [00:48.54]From place where it lay [00:50.98]Tween the skunk and the polecat it were [00:54.35]And as things there below were a trifle so so [00:57.93]It were glad of a breath of fresh air [01:01.11]They followed the sound as it went sniffing round [01:04.60]Til at last they located the leak [01:07.28]Twere a small hole in the side about two inches wide [01:10.62]Where a swordfish had poked in its beak [01:14.08]And by gum how the wet squirted in through that hole [01:19.14]Well young shem who at sums was expert [01:23.03]Worked it out on his slate that it came at the rate [01:26.26]Of per gallon per second per squirt [01:30.25]The bloodhound tried hard to keep water in check [01:33.43]By lapping it up with his tongue [01:35.79]But it came in so fast through that hole that at last [01:38.96]He shoved in his nose for a bung [01:42.00]The poor faithful hound he were very near drowned [01:46.69]They dragged him away none too soon [01:50.32]For the stream as it rose pushed its way up his nose [01:53.69]And blew him up like a balloon [01:56.60]And then mrs noah shoved her elbow in thole [02:00.47]And said eh it's stopped I believe [02:03.60]But they found very soon as she'd altered her tune [02:06.56]For the water had got up her sleeve [02:09.85]When she saw as her elbow weren't doing much good [02:13.57]She said to noah I've an idea [02:16.95]You sit on the leak and by tend of the week [02:20.87]There's no knowing the weather may clear [02:24.57]Noah didn't think much to this notion at all [02:27.94]But reckoned he'd give it a try [02:30.35]On the ole down he flopped and the leaking all stopped [02:34.83]And all except him was quite dry [02:38.39]They took him his breakfast and dinner and tea [02:42.23]As day after day there he sat [02:46.16]Til the rain was all passed and they landed at last [02:49.83]On top side of mount ararat [02:53.19]And that is how noah got them all safe ashore [02:57.97]But ever since then strange to tell [03:02.00]Them as helped save the ark has all carried a mark [03:06.20]Aye and all their descendants as well [03:10.05]That's why dog has a cold nose and ladies cold elbows [03:17.07]You'll also find if you enquire [03:20.16]That's why a man takes his coat tails in hand [03:24.25]And stands with his back to the fire [03:28.00]