The Return Of Albert (Albert Comes Back)-Stanley Holloway

[ti:Albert Comes Back] [ar:Stanley Holloway] [al:Many Happy Returns] [by:] [offset:0] [00:00.00]The Return Of Albert (Albert Comes Back) - Stanley Holloway [00:04.97]You've heard how young Albert Ramsbottom [00:07.12] [00:07.73]In the zoo up at Blackpool one year [00:09.96] [00:10.85]With a stick with a horse's head handle [00:13.02] [00:13.69]Gave a lion a poke in the ear [00:16.02] [00:16.82]The name of the lion was Wallace [00:18.88] [00:19.80]The poke in the ear made him wild [00:22.07] [00:22.89]And before you could say Bob's your uncle [00:25.50] [00:26.16]He'd up and he'd swallowed the child [00:28.27] [00:29.53]He were sorry the moment he'd done it [00:32.14] [00:32.98]With children he'd always been chums [00:35.36] [00:36.33]And besides he'd no teeth in his noddle [00:38.93] [00:39.69]And he couldn't chew Albert on the gums [00:42.37] [00:43.28]He could feel the lad movin' inside him [00:45.68] [00:46.38]As he lay on his bed of dried ferns [00:49.20] [00:49.82]And it might have been little lad's birthday [00:52.24] [00:52.95]He wished him such happy returns [00:55.37] [00:56.50]But Albert kept kicking and fighting [00:59.02] [00:59.84]Till Wallace arose feeling bad [01:01.90] [01:02.72]And felt it were time that he started [01:05.04] [01:05.82]To stage a comeback for the lad [01:08.35] [01:09.52]So with his head down in a corner [01:11.80] [01:12.58]On his front paws he started to walk [01:15.26] [01:16.13]And he coughed and he sneezed and he gargled [01:19.94] [01:20.74]'Till Albert shot out like a cork [01:23.13] [01:24.50]Old Wallace felt better directly [01:27.18] [01:27.91]And his figure once more became lean [01:30.52] [01:31.59]But the only difference with Albert [01:33.80] [01:34.63]Was his face and his hands were quite clean [01:37.34] [01:38.55]Meanwhile mister and missus Ramsbottom [01:41.17] [01:41.69]And gone home to tea feelin' blue [01:44.10] [01:45.17]Ma says I feel down in the mouth like [01:48.47] [01:49.42]Pa says aye I bet Albert does too [01:51.91] [01:53.11]Said ma it just goes for to show yer [01:55.77] [01:56.37]That the future is never revealed [01:58.86] [01:59.58]If I'd thought we was goin' to lose him [02:01.80] [02:02.61]I'd have not had his boots soled and heeled [02:05.21] [02:06.50]Let's look on the bright side said father [02:09.01] [02:09.61]What can't be helped must be endured [02:11.98] [02:12.87]Every cloud has a silvery lining [02:15.05] [02:16.07]And we did have young Albert insured [02:18.51] [02:19.54]A knock on the door came that moment [02:21.71] [02:22.35]As father these kind words did speak [02:25.15] [02:26.03]'Twas the man from the prudential he'd called for [02:28.97] [02:29.63]Their tuppence per person per week [02:32.15] [02:33.16]When father saw who had been knockin' [02:35.46] [02:36.44]He laughed and he kept laughin' so [02:39.18] [02:40.12]That the young man said what's there to laugh at [02:42.78] [02:43.85]Pa said you'll laugh and all when you know [02:46.46] [02:47.75]Excuse him for laughing said mother [02:49.92] [02:50.70]But really things happen so strange [02:53.50] [02:54.40]Our Albert's been ate by a lion [02:56.35] [02:57.32]You've got to pay us for a change [02:59.56] [03:00.94]Said the young feller from the prudential [03:03.09] [03:03.95]Now come come let's understand this [03:07.08] [03:08.16]You don't mean to say that you've lost him [03:10.76] [03:11.74]Ma says oh no we know where he is [03:14.67] [03:16.05]When the young man had heard all the details [03:18.74] [03:19.54]A purse from his pocket he drew [03:21.90] [03:22.68]And he paid them with interest and bonus [03:25.28] [03:26.16]The sum of nine pounds four and two [03:29.27] [03:30.75]Pa had scarce got his hand on the money [03:33.30] [03:34.19]When a face at the window they see [03:36.54] [03:37.50]And mother says eeh look it's Albert [03:40.95] [03:42.13]And father says aye it would be [03:44.55] [03:45.79]Young Albert came in all excited [03:47.88] [03:48.62]And started his story to give [03:50.68] [03:51.75]And pa says I'll never trust lions [03:54.60] [03:55.11]Again not as long as I live [03:57.61] [03:58.23]The young feller from the ]prudential [04:00.42] [04:00.93]To pick up the money began [04:02.47] [04:03.48]And father says eeh just a moment [04:06.28] [04:07.05]Don't be in a hurry young man [04:09.27] [04:10.16]Then giving young Albert a shilling [04:12.22] [04:12.98]He said pop off back to the zoo [04:15.31] [04:16.19]Here's yer stick with the horse's head handle [04:18.58] [04:19.54]Go and see wot the tigers can do