Undertaker-Monty Python

锘縈an: Um, excuse me, is this the undertaker's? Undertaker: Yup, that's right, what can I do for you, squire? Man: Um, well, I wonder if you can help me. My mother has just died and I'm not quite sure what I should do. Undertaker: Ah, well, we can 'elp you. We deal with stiffs. Man: Stiffs? Undertaker: Yea. Now there's three things we can do with your mum. We can bury her, burn her, or dump her. Man: Dump her? Undertaker: Dump her in the Thames. Man: What? Undertaker: Oh, did you like her? Man: Yes! Undertaker: Oh well, we won't dump her, then. Well, what do you think: a burner, or a burier? Man: Um, well, um, which would you recommend? Undertaker: Well they're both nasty. If we burn her, she gets stuffed in the flames, crackle, crackle, crackle, which is a bit of a shock if she's not quite dead. But quick. And then you get a box of ashes, which you can pretend are hers. Man: Oh. Undertaker: Or, if you don't wanna fry her, you can bury her. And then she'll get eaten up by maggots and weevils, nibble, nibble, nibble, which isn't so hot if, as I said, she's not quite dead. Man: I see. Um. Well, I.. I.. I.. I'm not very sure. She's definitely dead. Undertaker: Where is she? Man: In the sack. Undertaker: Let's 'ave a look. Umm, she looks quite young. Man: Yes, she was. Undertaker: (over his shoulder) FRED! Fred: (offstage) Yea! Undertaker: I THINK WE'VE GOT AN EATER! Fred: (offstage) I'll get the oven on! Man: Um, er...excuse me, um, are you... are you suggesting we should eat my mother? Undertaker: Yeah. Not raw, not raw. We cook her. She'd be delicious with a few french fries, a bit of broccoli and stuffing. Delicious! (smacks his lips) Man: What! Well, actually, I do feel a bit peckish - NO! No, I can't! Undertaker: Look, we'll eat your mum. Then, if you feel a bit guilty about it afterwards, we can dig a grave and you can throw up into it. Man: All right.