The Cactus (2006 Digital Remaster)-Jake Thackray

[ti:The Cactus] [ar:Jake Thackray] [al:Jake In A Box Vol 1 & 2] [by:] [offset:0] [00:00.00]The Cactus (2006 Digital Remaster) - Jake Thackray [00:06.83]When I and my new love my true love got married [00:12.75]Our love our true love very nearly miscarried [00:17.82]And one of the chief the contributory factors [00:22.47] [00:23.27]Was when my dear wife fell in love with a cactus [00:27.96] [00:29.46]On our wedding day [00:30.36]My auntie Ivy gave us both a little pot [00:32.53] [00:33.33]A plastic what not [00:34.43]Which contained a spiky cactus [00:35.88]As a present it was tactless [00:37.13]But my wife my life my golden girl [00:39.79]She loved it from the start [00:41.29] [00:44.03]Though it was old and mouldy [00:45.74]She took it to her very heart [00:47.68] [00:50.94]My snow white my aphrodite my pocket Venus [00:56.68]Twas then that this venomous thing came between us [01:00.98]When we had so much to delect and distract us [01:05.45] [01:06.41]Oh why did we cherish a perishing cactus [01:11.05] [01:12.22]At first she just felt sorry for this [01:13.75]Horrid squalid lumpish parasite [01:15.36] [01:16.44]A rash compassion [01:17.56]For her feelings got beyond her [01:19.12]Every day she grew still fonder [01:20.53]Till this sickly tickly little squirt [01:23.12]Had got the household quashed [01:24.95] [01:26.96]Rent unpaid my tea not made [01:28.93]My shirts my socks not washed [01:30.74] [01:33.91]My poor heart was bleeding from multiple fractures [01:39.48]A dupe and a boob and a cuckold to a cactus [01:43.21]She gave up her duties her food and her slumber [01:47.85] [01:48.44]For this potted hedgehog this son of a cucumber [01:52.92] [01:54.44]In spite of all her care her lavish [01:56.09]Blandishments the creature still declined [01:57.76] [01:58.27]It pined for something [01:59.68]It defied all kinds of fertiliser [02:01.54]It began to fade away and die [02:03.23]And only I knew why I recognised the state [02:06.88] [02:09.23]And it's a fact that what that cactus [02:11.47]Lacked was a prickly little soul mate [02:15.71] [02:16.73]The feeling of grief's not confined to us only [02:22.29]Like me this poor vegetable was just lonely [02:26.95]For they need exactly those things which attract us [02:31.34] [02:32.25]So I went and bought him a little lady cactus [02:36.56] [02:38.05]We placed them spiky cheek to spiky [02:39.37]Cheek upon our kitchen window sill [02:41.54] [02:42.19]And then withdrew We knew [02:43.79]True love would run its course and [02:45.07]We perforce had something similar to do [02:47.04] [02:47.61]And truth to tell well well within the hour [02:50.50] [02:52.62]My auntie's antisocial plant put out a happy cactus flower [02:57.17] [03:00.23]True love is in bloom now and everything's very nice [03:06.06]No thorns in our fireside no spikes up our paradise [03:10.50]My household is flourishing now and in fact I [03:14.60] [03:15.40]Have dozens of kids and a hundred little cacti