Could You Please Oblige Us with a Bren Gun-Noel Coward and Orchestra

[ti:Could You Please Oblige Us with a Bren Gun] [ar:Noel Coward----(replace by 84005)] [al:Go On .... Have a Laugh !!! (The Dave Cash Collection)] [by:] [offset:0] [00:00.00]Could You Please Oblige Us with a Bren Gun - Noel Coward and Orchestra [00:08.55]Colonel Montmorency who was in Calcutta in ninety two [00:11.97]Emerged from his retirement for the war [00:14.97] [00:15.83]He wasn't very pleased with all he heard and all he saw [00:19.49]But whatever he felt he tightened his belt and organised a corps [00:23.38]Poor colonel Montmorency thought [00:26.20]Considering all the wars he'd faught [00:28.15]The home guard was his job to do or die [00:31.18] [00:31.95]But after days and weeks and years bravely drying his many tears [00:36.06]He wrote the following letter to the minister of supply [00:39.56] [00:40.07]Could you please oblige us with a bren gun [00:43.97]Or failing that a hand grenade will do [00:46.76] [00:47.76]We've got some ammunition in a rather damp condition [00:51.41]And major huss has a arquebus was used at waterloo [00:55.47]With the vicar's stirrup pump a pitchfork and a stave [00:59.22]It's rather hard to guard an aerodrome [01:03.24]So if you can't oblige us with a bren gun [01:07.01]The home guard might as well go home [01:10.85]Could you please oblige us with a bren gun [01:14.57]We're getting awfully tired of drawing lots [01:17.02] [01:18.56]Today we had a shipment of some curious equipment [01:22.32]And just for a prank they sent us a tank that ties itself in knots [01:25.62] [01:26.21]On Sunday's mock invasion captain Clark was heard to say [01:29.97]He hadn't even got a brush and comb [01:33.19] [01:34.00]So if you can't oblige us with a bren gun [01:37.68]The home guard might as well go home [01:40.75] [01:45.70]Colonel Montmorency planned in case the enemy tried to land [01:49.32]To drive them back with skill and armoured force [01:52.12] [01:53.05]He realised his army should be mechanised of course [01:56.47] [01:57.01]But somewhere inside experience cried my kingdom for the horse [02:01.83] [02:02.49]Poor colonel Montmorency tried at infinite cost to time and pride [02:07.86]To tackle his superiors again [02:10.94] [02:11.69]Having just one motorbike fourteen swords and a marlin spike [02:15.79]He wrote the following letter in the following urgent strain [02:19.81]Could you please oblige us with a bren gun [02:23.85]We need it very badly I'm afraid [02:27.36]Our local crossword solver has an excellent revolver [02:31.38]But during a short attack on a fort the trigger got mislaid [02:35.39]In course of operations planned for Friday afternoon [02:39.38]Our orders are to storm the hippodrome [02:43.39]So if you can't oblige us with a bren gun [02:47.14]The home guard might as well go home [02:50.26] [02:51.07]Could you please oblige us with a bren gun [02:54.82]The lack of one is wounding to our pride [02:58.14] [02:58.76]Last night we found the cutest little german parachutist [03:02.42]He looked at our kit and giggled a bit and laughed until he cried [03:06.47]We'll have to hide that armoured car when marching through Berlin [03:10.28]We'd almost be ashamed of it in the Rome [03:13.77] [03:14.31]So if you can't oblige us with a bren gun [03:18.15]The home guard might as well go home