Ernie (The Fastest Milkman In The West)-Benny Hill

[ti:Ernie (The Fastest Milkman In The West) (2003 Digital Remaster)] [ar:Benny Hill] [al:Original Hits - Kids] [by:] [offset:0] [00:00.00]Ernie (The Fastest Milkman In The West) - Benny Hill [00:04.30]You could hear the hoof beats pound as they raced across the ground [00:07.38] [00:08.70]And the clatter of the wheels as they spun round and round [00:11.36] [00:11.98]And he galloped into Market Street his badge upon his chest [00:14.92]His name was Ernie and he drove the fastest milk cart in the west [00:18.68] [00:20.16]Now Ernie loved a widow a lady known as sue [00:23.72]She lived all alone in liddley lane at number twenty [00:27.51]They said she was too good for him she was haughty proud and chic [00:30.99]But Ernie got his cocoa there three times every week [00:35.12]They called him Ernie Ernie [00:38.71]And he drove the fastest milk cart in the west [00:41.09] [00:42.43]She said she'd like to bathe in milk he said all right sweetheart [00:45.54] [00:46.19]And when he'd finished work one night he loaded up his cart [00:49.68]He said you want it pasteurize cause pasteurize is best [00:53.37]She says Ernie I'll be happy if it comes up to my chest [00:57.26]That tickled old Ernie Ernie [01:00.99]And he drove the fastest milk cart in the west oh [01:06.97]Now Ernie had a rival an evil looking man [01:10.45]Called two ton ted from teddington and he drove the baker's van [01:14.16]He tempted her with his treacle tarts and his tasty wholemeal bread [01:17.51]And when she seen the size [01:18.83]Of his hot meat pies it very near turned her head [01:21.44] [01:22.47]She nearly swooned at his macaroon and he said if you treat me right [01:26.15]You'll have hot rolls every morning and crumpets every night [01:29.86]He knew once she sampled his layer cake he'd have his wicked way [01:33.40]And all Ernie had to offer was a pint of milk a day [01:37.10] [01:37.67]Poor Ernie Ernie [01:41.07]And he drove the fastest milk cart in the west oh [01:46.69]One lunch time ted saw Ernie's horse and cart outside her door [01:50.36]It drove him mad to find it was still there at half past four [01:54.03]And as he let down from his van [01:55.89]Hot blood through his veins did course [01:57.74]And he went across to Ernie's cart and didn't half kick his rose [02:01.25] [02:02.02]Whose name was trigger trigger [02:05.13]And he pulled the fastest milk cart in the west [02:07.72] [02:09.03]Now Ernie rushed out into the street his gold top in his hand [02:12.46]He said if you wanna marry Susie you'll fight for her like a man [02:16.51]Oh why don't we play cards for her he sneeringly replied [02:20.04]And just to make it interesting we'll have a shilling on the side [02:23.50] [02:24.89]Now Ernie dragged him from his van and beneath the blazing sun [02:28.54]They stood there face to face and ted went for his bun [02:32.15]But Ernie was too quick things didn't go the way ted planned [02:35.77]And a strawberry flavored yogurt sent it spinning from his hand [02:39.26] [02:40.53]Now Susie ran between them and tried to keep them apart [02:44.15]And Ernie he pushed her aside [02:45.84]And a rock cake caught him underneath his heart [02:47.99]And he looked up in pained surprise and the concrete hardened crust [02:51.50]Of a stale pork pie caught him in the eye and Ernie bit the dust [02:55.25]Poor Ernie Ernie [02:59.03]And he drove the fastest milk cart in the west [03:01.71] [03:04.95]Ernie was only fifty two he didn't wanna die [03:08.39] [03:09.43]And now he's gone to make deliveries in that milk round in the sky [03:12.69] [03:13.55]Where the customers are angels and ferocious dogs are banned [03:16.82] [03:17.48]And the milkman's life is full of fun in that fairy dairy land [03:20.61] [03:21.75]But a woman's needs are many fold and soon she married ted [03:26.70] [03:27.57]But strange things happened on their wedding night [03:29.90]As they lay in their bed [03:31.52] [03:32.44]Was that the trees a rustling or the hinges of the gate [03:36.46] [03:37.68]Or Ernie's ghostly gold tops a rattling in their crate [03:41.60] [03:42.43]They won't forget Ernie Ernie [03:46.08]And he drove the fastest milk cart in the west