Albert Evacuated-Stanley Holloway

[ti:Albert Evacuated] [ar:Stanley Holloway] [al:EMI Comedy Classics] [by:] [offset:0] [00:00.00]Albert Evacuated - Stanley Holloway [00:00.28]Have you heard how young Albert Ramsbottom [00:02.97]Was evacuated from home [00:05.35]With his mother clean socks and a toothbrush [00:08.07]Some syrup of figs and a comb [00:10.34]The stick with the orses ead andle [00:12.99]They decided that they'd leave behind [00:15.40]To keep safe with the things they weren't wanting [00:18.20]Like their gasmasks and thinks of that kind [00:21.06]Pa saw them off at the station [00:23.88]And shed a few crocodile tears [00:27.01]As he waved them goodbye from the platform [00:30.13]Twas the best break he'd had in ten years [00:33.76]Ma got corner seat for young Albert [00:36.58]Who amused all the rest of the team [00:38.99]By breathing hot breaths on the window [00:41.99]And writing some swear words in steam [00:45.37]They arrived at last somewhere in England [00:49.34]And straight to their billet were shown [00:51.70]Ther was one room for mother [00:53.65]But Albert was in a small room of his own [00:57.49]The very first night in the blackout [01:00.18]Young Albert performed quite a feat [01:02.81]By hanging head first from the window [01:05.65]And shining his torch down the street [01:08.76]It flashed on an ARP warden [01:12.71]Patrolling with leisurely gait [01:15.59]Good Heavens he said it's Tarzan [01:19.34]I'd better go investigate [01:22.41]So reading his book of instructions [01:24.63] [01:25.81]To make himself doubly sure [01:28.69]Then in an official manner [01:30.88]Proceeded to knock on the door [01:33.25] [01:33.98]It was opened by Mrs Ramsbottom [01:37.01]Now then said she what's to do [01:40.30]And in stern air warden manner he said [01:44.07]I'm going to interrogate you [01:47.30]This fair upset Mrs Ramsbottom [01:50.29]Her face was a picture to see [01:52.89]I'll have you know you'll do nowt of the sort [01:55.69]I'm a respectable woman said she [01:57.95]Has your son been evacuated [02:01.56]Said the ARP man at the door [02:03.73]He'd all them things done as a baby said mother [02:06.58]He's not being done anymore [02:08.42]Be off now said Mrs Ramsbottom [02:10.33] [02:11.20]As she bustled him out of the porch [02:13.52]And the ARP man patted Albert [02:16.16]And then confiscated his torch [02:19.81]Now that were unlucky for Albert [02:21.77]He had no torch to see him to bed [02:24.39]But being a bright little fellow [02:26.91]He switched on the hal light instead [02:29.76] [02:30.32]Put out that light a voice shouted [02:33.21]Where's the men of our ARP [02:36.20]I've told them already the warden replied [02:39.25]They take no bloody notice of me [02:42.08]Soon Mrs Ramsbottom and Albert [02:45.01]Were feeling quite homesick and sad [02:48.14]So they thanked the landlady most kindly [02:51.19]And prepared to go back home to Dad [02:54.01]When at last they reached home to Father [02:57.26]They were fed up and had quite enough [03:00.02]But in the front parlour they found six young women [03:04.25]And Father were doing his stuff [03:08.03]Hello Mother said Mr Ramsbottom [03:11.82]Come right on in don't be afraid [03:14.47]When you went away I joined Ambulance Corps [03:18.31]I'm instructing the girls in first aid [03:22.60]First aid said Mrs Ramsbottom [03:25.86]With a horrible look on her brow [03:28.15]If ever you wanted first aid in your life [03:32.17]By gum you'll be wanting it now