Beer-Denis Leary

Beer - Denis Leary Ladies and gentlemen of the class of 99 Drink beer If I could offer you only one tip for the future Beer would be it. The long term benefits of beer have been proven by scientists Whereas the rest Advice has no basis more reliable than my own meandering experience I will dispense this information now You are as fat as you imagine You really do look like your drivers license picture Do something about it No one wants to date a fat pig If inserting a 7 inch iced tea spoon down your throat to induce vomiting is what it takes Well then so be it Do 1 thing everyday that makes your mother ashamed Don't floss Wayward pieces of parsley and beef in your teeth really don't look that bad You've already had your turn of living in New York So leave Now You're wasting space And breathing up all of our oxygen Go live in Northern California But leave before you simultaneously die in an earthquake and a gang related shooting Sometimes you'll be ahead Sometimes you'll be behind Sometimes you'll be on top Sometimes you'll be on bottom Smoke cigarettes with reckless abandon When your speaking through hole throat You can always sue the tobacco company And say I did not know it was bad for me After all Ill gotten game is what it's all about Maybe you'll married Maybe you won't But most likely you'll end up divorced With a litter of children With 8 different mothers Spending the rest of your life selling rip off Gucci bags outside court authority To pay off alimony and child support. Don't even try to dance You're a guy for godsake Not even the electric slide at a wedding Read GQ magazine and strive to look like the guy on the cover Undergo elective reconstructive plastic surgery including lipo suction and penis enlargement Make fun of old people It's fun And understand that friends will stab you in the back for price of an extra value meal And the flame broiled isn't always better Nevermind But trust me on the beer.