Numbers-Bobby Bare

Numbers - Bobby Bare I was sitting in Friday's sucking on a glass of wine When in walked a chick who almost struck me blind Had wet blue eyes and her legs were long and fine On a scale of one to ten I'd give her a nine Now on my scale there ain't no ten's You know nine is about as far as any chick can go So I flashed her a smile But she didn't even look at me So for brains and good judgement I'd give her a three I said Hey sweet thing You look like a possible eight You and me could uh make eighteen If your head's on straight She looked up and down my perfect frame And said these words that Burned into my perfect brain She said well Another one of those macho matician men Kind who grade all women on scales of one to ten And you give me an eight well That's a generous thing to do Now let's just see just how much I give you She said you coming on to me With that phony numbers jive Your style makes me smile I give it a five When you walked up I noticed that suit of yores It's last year's double knit frayed-cuffs Give it a four That must be your car parked out on the curb That sixty nine homemade convertible A three and a third Now as for your build I guess yore less than five Except for your pot belly I'd give that a ten for size That wine you're pouring might be fine to you But I'm used to fine champagne I give it a two It's hard to tell What your flashing smile is worth I give it a six You could use some dental work But It's your strutting rooster act That really makes me laugh It may be a ten to these country hens But to me a three and a half And there really ain't much to add Once the subtractin's done Since there ain't no zeroes I give you a one She walked out while up and down the line The whole bar was laughing Said Bare what happened to your nine Nine says I Hell soon as she started to talk I knew She didn't have no class I barely gave her a two Yeah No matter how good they look at first There's flaws in all of them That's why on a scale of ten to one friend There ain't no ten