Ernie-Benny Hill

[ti:Ernie] [ar:Benny Hill] [al:Benny Hill Collection] [by:] [offset:0] [00:00.00]Ernie - Benny Hill [00:03.70]You could hear the hoof beats pound [00:05.16]As they raced across the ground [00:06.47] [00:07.68]And the clatter of the wheels [00:09.11]As they spun round and round [00:10.18] [00:10.82]And he galloped into Market Street [00:12.45]His badge upon his chest [00:13.35] [00:13.93]His name was Ernie [00:14.79] [00:15.58]And he drove the fastest [00:16.51]Milkcart in the west [00:17.35] [00:18.78]Now Ernie loved a widow [00:19.90] [00:20.42]A lady known as Sue [00:21.40] [00:22.19]She lived all alone in Linley Lane [00:23.90]At number twenty two [00:25.57]They said she was too good for him [00:27.30]She was haughty proud and chic [00:29.06]But Ernie got his cocoa there [00:30.84]Three times every week [00:31.84] [00:32.66]They called him Ernie (Ernie) [00:34.70] [00:36.03]And he drove the fastest [00:37.17]Milkcart in the west [00:38.17] [00:39.63]She said she'd like to bathe in milk [00:41.34]He said alright sweetheart [00:42.21] [00:42.93]And when he finished work one night [00:44.77]He loaded up the cart [00:45.89] [00:46.42]He said you wanted pasturised [00:47.79]Coz pasturised is best [00:48.74] [00:49.83]She says Ernie I'll be happy [00:51.32]If it comes up to me chest [00:52.76] [00:53.32]And that tickled old Ernie (Ernie) [00:56.28] [00:56.87]And he drove the fastest milkcart [00:57.82]In the west [00:58.82] [01:03.91]Now Ernie had a rival [01:05.70]An evil looking man [01:06.50] [01:07.17]Called Two Ton Ted from Teddington [01:08.93]And he drove the baker's van [01:10.13] [01:10.67]He tempted her with his treacle tarts [01:12.35]And his tasty wholemeal bread [01:13.80]And when she saw the size [01:15.02]Of his hot meat pies [01:15.91]It very near turned her head [01:17.09] [01:18.24]She nearly swooned at his macaroon [01:20.04]And he said now if you treat me right [01:21.96]You'll have hot rolls evry morning [01:23.15]And crumpets every night [01:24.47] [01:25.17]He knew once she'd sampled his layer cake [01:27.07]He'd have his wicked way [01:28.07] [01:28.67]And all Ernie had to offer [01:30.02]Was a pint of milk a day [01:32.17]Poor Ernie (Ernie) [01:34.51] [01:35.56]And he drove the fastest milkcart in the west [01:37.38] [01:42.67]One lunchtime Ted saw Ernie's horse [01:43.89]And cart outside her door [01:45.21] [01:46.03]It drove him mad to find [01:47.39]It was still there at half past four [01:49.37]And as he leaped down from of his van [01:51.30]Hot blood through his veins did course [01:52.87]And he went across to Ernie's cart [01:54.30]And he didn't half kick his horse [01:56.48]Who's name was Trigger (Trigger) [01:58.84] [01:59.64]And he pulled the fastest milkcart in the west [02:01.99] [02:03.68]Now Ernie rushed out into the street [02:05.12]His goldtop in his hand [02:06.60]He said if you want to marry Susie [02:07.80]You'll fight for her like a man [02:09.26] [02:10.20]Oh why don't we play cards for her [02:12.03]He sneeringly replied [02:12.81] [02:13.61]And just to make it interesting [02:14.97]We'll have a shilling on the side [02:16.41] [02:18.34]Now Ernie dragged him from his van [02:20.03]And beneath the blazing sun [02:21.23]They stood there face to face [02:22.59]And Ted went for his bun [02:23.90] [02:24.93]But Ernie was to quick [02:26.07]Things didn't go the way Ted planned [02:28.19]And a strawberry flavoured youghurt [02:29.68]Sent it spinning from his hand [02:30.91] [02:32.67]Now Sue she ran between them [02:33.87]And tried to keep them apart [02:35.24] [02:35.78]And Ernie pushed her aside [02:37.31]And a rock cake caught [02:38.05]Him underneath his heart [02:38.78] [02:39.63]And he looked up in pained surprise [02:41.25]As the concrete hardened crust [02:42.24] [02:42.98]Of a stale pork pie caught him in the eye [02:44.85]And Ernie bit the dust [02:45.73] [02:46.55]Poor Ernie (Ernie) [02:48.74] [02:49.77]And he drove the fastest milkcart in the west [02:51.50] [02:56.25]Ernie was only fifty-two he didn't want to die [02:59.68] [03:00.50]Now he's gone to make deliveries [03:02.19]In that milkround in the sky [03:03.28] [03:04.48]Where the customers are angels [03:05.51] [03:06.14]And ferocious dogs are banned [03:07.18] [03:08.36]And a milkman's life is full of fun [03:10.28]In that fairy dairy land [03:11.66] [03:12.97]But a woman's needs are manifold [03:14.23] [03:15.85]And Sue she married Ted [03:16.89] [03:18.38]But strange things happened [03:19.31]On their wedding night [03:20.64]As they lay in their bed [03:21.70] [03:22.96]Was that the trees a rustling [03:24.14] [03:25.24]Or the hinges of the gate [03:26.36] [03:27.17]Or Ernie's ghostly goldtops [03:28.58] [03:29.31]A rattling in their crate [03:30.26] [03:31.04]They won't forget Ernie (Ernie) [03:33.37] [03:34.36]And he drove the fastest milkcart in the west