The Beefeater-Stanley Holloway

[ti:The Beefeater] [ar:Stanley Holloway] [al:EMI Comedy Classics] [by:] [offset:0] [00:00.00]The Beefeater - Stanley Holloway [00:05.50]Oh dear starting another day I suppose [00:11.44]Showing these ere gumps around the Tower [00:13.99] [00:14.70]Still it's got to be done [00:16.78]Someone's got to do it [00:18.10]Good Morning What's that [00:20.94]Will I show you around t'Tower Sir [00:22.93]You're from Yorkshire Sir [00:24.20]Ba goom The world's small [00:27.10]I'm from Yorkshire meself aye [00:28.98]These ere Cockneys don't know [00:31.03]There's a tower here at all [00:33.46]First of all Sir we come to the canteen [00:36.81]Where you wash the cobwebs off your chest [00:39.59]That's our motto there [00:41.09]Honi soit qui may y pense [00:43.45]And in Yorkshire that means beer is best [00:47.44]Eh I'll have a pint Sir and thank yer [00:50.92]You'll find it good ale to sup [00:53.58] [00:54.18]Well as Guy Fawkes said when he got bunged in Dungeon [00:57.71]And tumbled head first Bottoms up [01:01.67]That big ole outside is the moat Sir [01:04.43]And they do say if ever John Bull [01:07.30]Sells the tower for a road house with cracks puttied up [01:11.01]It'll make a damn fine swimming pool [01:14.60]And now Sir we come to armoury [01:18.06]Here's the tin pants of Dick Coeur de Lion [01:21.27]Just imagine the job that his old woman had [01:24.77]Putting patches on with soldering iron [01:27.95]Here's the shirt and the chainmail Black Prince wore [01:32.04]To starch and iron that were real tricky [01:34.70]It took three boilermakers to put on his shirt [01:38.24]And a blacksmith to put on his dicky [01:41.06] [01:41.65]And this ere's the real eadsman's block Sir [01:45.21]From this many eads fell with a thud [01:48.28]Ee to keep all these ere stains fresh [01:51.27]All these three hundred years [01:53.20]We've used buckets and buckets of blood [01:56.90]Ere's the axe that's the genuine axe Sir [02:00.57]That's given Royal necks some ard whacks [02:03.74]Tho it's ad a new andle and perhaps a new head [02:07.87]But it's a real old original axe [02:11.10]And down here's where Princes were murdered [02:14.47]Aye strangled poor kids in cold blood [02:18.83]And what's worse down here [02:20.27]I tossed Scotsman for shilling [02:22.60]I won but the shilling was dud [02:25.33]And here's where they tortured the prisoners [02:28.70]On that rack when they wouldn't confess [02:31.87]They were crushed till their blood ran drip drip drip [02:37.29] [02:38.30]Feeling faint Sir Well here's sergeant's mess [02:42.20]Eh Oh thank you I will have a pint Sir [02:45.95]For talking's a day's work Bet your life [02:49.18]For when I show you ducking stool they had for women [02:53.18]By Goom you'll wish you'd brought the wife [02:56.98]And why do they call us Beefeaters [03:00.82]Is it couse we eat beef Sir Nay nay [03:04.92]The sergeant eats pork and the corporal eats bacon [03:08.81]But I eat tripe three times a day [03:11.64]And so you shall know we're Beefeaters [03:13.96] [03:15.72]There's me who has fought in the wars [03:18.36]As to walk round with frills on me neck like a hambone [03:22.34]A daft hat and purple plus fours [03:25.40] [03:26.52]But here's why they call us Beefeaters [03:30.39]King Alfred one night so they say [03:33.86]Fell over the feet of the sentry [03:36.50]And shouted Oi Keep your B feet out of the way