The Beefeater-Stanley Holloway

[ti:The Beefeater] [ar:Stanley Holloway] [al:EMI Comedy Classics] [by:] [offset:0] [00:00.00]The Beefeater - Stanley Holloway [00:05.45]Oh dear starting another day I suppose [00:11.39]Showing these ere gumps around the Tower [00:13.95] [00:14.66]Still it's got to be done [00:16.74]Someone's got to do it [00:18.06]Good Morning What's that [00:20.90]Will I show you around t'Tower Sir [00:22.89]You're from Yorkshire Sir [00:24.16]Ba goom The world's small [00:27.06]I'm from Yorkshire meself aye [00:28.94]These ere Cockneys don't know [00:30.98]There's a tower here at all [00:33.41]First of all Sir we come to the canteen [00:36.76]Where you wash the cobwebs off your chest [00:39.54]That's our motto there [00:41.04]Honi soit qui may y pense [00:43.40]And in Yorkshire that means beer is best [00:47.39]Eh I'll have a pint Sir and thank yer [00:50.87]You'll find it good ale to sup [00:53.53] [00:54.13]Well as Guy Fawkes said when he got bunged in Dungeon [00:57.66]And tumbled head first Bottoms up [01:01.62]That big ole outside is the moat Sir [01:04.38]And they do say if ever John Bull [01:07.25]Sells the tower for a road house with cracks puttied up [01:10.97]It'll make a damn fine swimming pool [01:14.56]And now Sir we come to armoury [01:18.02]Here's the tin pants of Dick Coeur de Lion [01:21.23]Just imagine the job that his old woman had [01:24.73]Putting patches on with soldering iron [01:27.90]Here's the shirt and the chainmail Black Prince wore [01:31.99]To starch and iron that were real tricky [01:34.65]It took three boilermakers to put on his shirt [01:38.19]And a blacksmith to put on his dicky [01:41.01] [01:41.60]And this ere's the real eadsman's block Sir [01:45.16]From this many eads fell with a thud [01:48.23]Ee to keep all these ere stains fresh [01:51.22]All these three hundred years [01:53.15]We've used buckets and buckets of blood [01:56.85]Ere's the axe that's the genuine axe Sir [02:00.52]That's given Royal necks some ard whacks [02:03.70]Tho it's ad a new andle and perhaps a new head [02:07.83]But it's a real old original axe [02:11.06]And down here's where Princes were murdered [02:14.43]Aye strangled poor kids in cold blood [02:18.79]And what's worse down here [02:20.23]I tossed Scotsman for shilling [02:22.56]I won but the shilling was dud [02:25.29]And here's where they tortured the prisoners [02:28.66]On that rack when they wouldn't confess [02:31.83]They were crushed till their blood ran drip drip drip [02:37.24] [02:38.25]Feeling faint Sir Well here's sergeant's mess [02:42.15]Eh Oh thank you I will have a pint Sir [02:45.90]For talking's a day's work Bet your life [02:49.13]For when I show you ducking stool they had for women [02:53.13]By Goom you'll wish you'd brought the wife [02:56.94]And why do they call us Beefeaters [03:00.78]Is it couse we eat beef Sir Nay nay [03:04.88]The sergeant eats pork and the corporal eats bacon [03:08.77]But I eat tripe three times a day [03:11.60]And so you shall know we're Beefeaters [03:13.92] [03:15.68]There's me who has fought in the wars [03:18.31]As to walk round with frills on me neck like a hambone [03:22.29]A daft hat and purple plus fours [03:25.35] [03:26.47]But here's why they call us Beefeaters [03:30.34]King Alfred one night so they say [03:33.81]Fell over the feet of the sentry [03:36.45]And shouted Oi Keep your B feet out of the way