Sames And Opposites-Demetri Martin

[ti:Sames And Opposites] [ar:Demetri Martin] [al:These Are Jokes] [by:] [offset:0] [00:00.00]Sames And Opposites - Demetri Martin [01:16.99]In life there are many things [01:19.99] [01:22.54]Some of them are the same and some are opposites [01:25.80] [01:30.93]About some of these things I do sing [01:33.74] [01:39.15]A cactus is the opposite of a chair [01:42.25] [01:45.26]In my house you can sit anywhere but there [01:49.09] [01:51.24]Especially if your a** is bare [01:54.77] [01:59.50]A bird house is not the same as a bird home [02:02.94] [02:05.27]One is much more comfortable for birds [02:07.87] [02:14.51]These are sames and opposites my friends [02:17.45] [02:20.44]Which I determined [02:21.88] [02:45.21]A musical is the same as a burlap sack [02:48.66] [02:51.08]I would not want to be in either [02:53.78] [03:16.92]A squirrel is the same as a can [03:20.04] [03:22.16]When there's a bb gun in my hand [03:25.03] [03:38.19]Can't you see that I am just a man [03:40.76] [03:44.05]With distinctions and comparisons [03:50.14] [04:01.08]Spare change is the same as wedgies for me [04:05.01] [04:06.40]I don't give it unless someone's really asking [04:08.89] [04:19.11]Saying I apologize is the very same [04:22.39] [04:24.12]As saying I'm sorry they're the same [04:27.11] [04:29.96]Unless you're at a funeral [04:31.60] [04:56.82]To live is the same as to dream [04:59.03] [05:01.46]If you do both long enough you'll see [05:03.72] [05:07.01]But you have to work in between [05:08.87] [05:11.82]Unless you have narcolepsy [05:13.67] [05:29.43]That was a boring solo [05:30.42] [05:33.89]Earrings are the same as sneezes [05:36.94] [05:39.42]Two is okay but ten in a row is annoying [05:42.00] [05:49.56]If you have two then god bless you [05:52.21] [05:58.38]These are sames and opposites my friends [06:01.23] [06:03.97]Which I have determined [06:05.19] [06:16.35]A secret admirer is the same as a stalker [06:19.20] [06:21.69]With stationery [06:22.24] [06:31.70]An ex girlfriend is the same as an okay movie [06:35.09] [06:37.08]I liked it at the time but I don't want to see it again [06:40.35] [06:46.68]Especially if the movie was kind of a b**ch [06:51.26] [06:58.85]These are sames and opposites my friends [07:01.42] [07:04.23]Which I have determined [07:05.48] [07:08.81]So far