Dick's Automotive-Rugburns

Dick's Automotive - Rugburns One, two, one, two, three, quattro John was living in ocean beach, california with his girlfriend, julie, when he decided one day, hey, jule, lets move up north. to northern california where the air is clear and the skies Lue and they have more traditional family values. what do say jule? so they loaded up their car and they moved up north to the santa cruz mountains near the byantine winery into a one bedr Railer behind the bowling alley. two blocks from the supermarket. one more block to the south Of dicks automotive Dicks automotive Dicks automotive Dicks automotive John applied for a job at dicks automotive and dick came to the door and he said, tell me johnny boy. can you rotate the tires on a 72 subaru? he said, no. well t Can you change the oil in a 76 pinto? he said, no. well can you rebuild a holly four-barrelled carburetor on a 69 camaro with a big ol hearse shift rod? and he s Um, no. do you have a girlfriend with long, red, curly hair. creamy, milk-white thighs. big full lips. biceps like henry rollings? and can she just scream like a hyena in the s ? and he said, yes. and dick said, boy, then youre hired. At dicks automotive At dicks automotive At dicks automotive At dicks automotive John studied real, real hard. he learned how to rotate the tires on a 72 subaru. he learned how to change the oil in all the pintos. and he learned how to rebuild that holly four-barrelled car Or on a 69 camaro. and much, much more than that. he learned how to make love with his girlfriend, julie like a real man oughta. and dick gave him his service stripes and he said, theres Ttle old lady and her cars broken down up near the byantine winery. you gotta help her man. go sheba, go. rrraah, rrraah. so he sent him on his way and about that time dick glued back in Entures, glued back on his toupee, stood in front of the mirror and said, I feel sexy! I wonder what julies doin all alone in that trailer. I bet shes having trouble opening up a can of Hes right now. Ill bring along my blowtorch just to see if she needs help. so he hiked a block down the road to the one bedroom trailer behind the bowling alley and he knocked on the door Julie answered the door and she said, oh, hello Dick. I was just having trouble opening up a can of peaches. cmon in. so he started up the blowtorch (bwooh) and all the peach juice ran down his veins. and he poured it in the tupperwar T julie used to sell in ocean beach. and he said: Were goin on a picnic Were goin on a picnic Were goin on a picnic Were goin on a picnic Were goin on a picnic Were goin on a picnic Were goin on a picnic Were goin on a picnic So he loaded julie into his 57 chevy and he drove her up right near the winery. into the middle of the forest he took her. and he tied her up to a tree. and cut half of her top down. and he sai Uot;stick out your tongue. then he put on forty-two and a half tabs of brown acid that he still had from his woodstock days. sprickled a little paote on her tongue just for good measure. s W all kinds of colors. lemon yellow, orange orange, cherry red, kaleidoscope eyes. the world was on fire. and about that time there was a mommy deer walking through the forest with a baby deer. Ick cut down julies arm and he poured in some granola and he mixed it up with stricnine poison and he said, oh, cmere little deer. I have some food for you. look at julie. and the Deer said, oh, I better eat it first because it could be poisonous and my heart is much stronger than yours, child. but really the mommy deer was just a glutton and wanted all the f And the mommy deer stuck her little mommy snout into julie S palm and it licked it. mmmm. mmmm. and it said, oh, go ahead, eat some. but the mommys heart was much stronger and when the baby deer stuck her tongue into the palm of julies han Licked, it died. flat shooby doo wop down. and the mommy deer died shortly thereafter. zippity doo wah out on the ground. and dick cut julie down from the tree and he looked at the dead deer at Feet. and he grabbed her around the neck and pushed his tongue right down her mouth. and he said, wow, natures so *****in! At dicks automotive At dicks automotive At dicks automotive At dicks automotive (play it you silly freak!) bout that time john was driving back down the road feeling really good about helping that little old lady out. and he saw dicks 57 chevy parked on the side of the road he said, wow, he Be in trouble. Id better bring along a chainsaw, a blowtorch and an icepick just to see if he needs help. then he said, whoa, that looks like the afghan sweater that julies grandm Tted us last summer in ocean beach. whats julie doing here? and he hiked through the forest. and he saw the love of his life on a dirty brown piece of berber carpet. dicks dentures on th Und chattering. his toupee being carried off by the squirrels and *****roaches. and he saw red and he started up a blowtorch (bwooh). then he welded their bodies together, took an icepick out of Ret manilla envelope, stabbed them fifty-seven times. started up a chainsaw (br-r-r-r-r), cut off dicks ankle. put his foot right in his mouth and says, looks like you put your foot in y Outh one last time, dickie boy! then he looked at the Dead deer at their feet and he picked them up. and he gave the mommy deer mouth to mouth resucitation, but to no avail. the mommy deer was dead. and he gave the baby deer mouth to mouth resucit And the baby deer came back to life. charles bronsan had tears in his eyes, I guess cause nature had been vindicated. david coresh was selling barbequed ribs on the side. the mommy deer still Ead. and he said: Mommy deer dead, baby deer alive Mommy deer dead, baby deer alive Mommy deer dead, baby deer alive Mommy deer dead, baby deer alive At dicks automotive At dicks automotive At dicks automotive At dicks automotive At dicks automotive At dicks automotive At dicks automotive At dicks automotive At dicks automotive At dicks automotive At dicks automotive At dicks automotive At dicks automotive At dicks automotive At dicks automotive