New Jersey Turnpike-Laurie Anderson

[ti:New Jersey Turnpike] [ar:Laurie Anderson] [al:United States Live] [by:] [offset:0] [00:01.15]New Jersey Turnpike - Laurie Anderson [00:02.78] [00:57.90]PETER: There was an old couple who decided to drive [01:00.14]Cross country in their car Both of them were almost [01:02.17]Legally deaf About ten miles away from home the burglar [01:06.16]Alarm for their car door went off and got stuck in the [01:10.15]"on" position They drove all the way to San Francisco [01:14.06]Like this You could hear them coming from three miles away [01:23.34]The alarm didn't seem to bother the old woman at all [01:26.14]She thought it was sort of pleasant Near Chicago [01:31.42]She said to her husband "It sounds like faraway bees [01:37.69]On a summer day " Her husband said "What " [01:43.38] [01:50.35]LAURIE: You can read the signs You've been on this [01:57.83]Road before Do you want to go home [02:03.63] [02:06.91]Do you want to go home now [02:08.41] [02:20.68]PETER: One of the major airlines used to run a kind [02:23.77]Of lottery mostly to give passengers something to do [02:27.20]While the plane was waiting in line on the runway [02:30.06] [02:32.25]The stewardess would hand out lottery tickets and you [02:35.31]Peeled the sticker away If you had the right combination [02:39.15]Of numbers you won a free trip to Hawaii If you didn't [02:44.80]You didn't win a free trip The airline discontinued the [02:49.11]Game when there were too many complaints about the [02:52.50]Timing of the lottery They said: [02:55.90]Our surveys tell us that our customers felt that waiting [02:59.04]On the runway was the wrong time to play a game of chance [03:03.63] [03:05.66]LAURIE: In my dream I am your customer and the [03:15.95]Customer is always right [03:19.86] [03:21.20]PETER: He said you know to be _really_ safe you should [03:30.90]Always carry a bomb on an airplane Because the chances [03:35.45]Of there being _one_ bomb on a plane are pretty small [03:38.86] [03:39.63]But the chances of _two_ bombs are almost minuscule [03:42.83] [03:44.62]So by carrying a bomb on a plane the odds of your becoming [03:49.15]A hostage or of getting blown up are astronomically reduced [03:59.58]LAURIE: You're driving and you're talking to yourself and [04:08.95]You say to yourself: Why these mountains Why this sky [04:19.53] [04:22.66]Why this road This big town This ugly train [04:31.74] [04:32.75]PETER: In our eyes And in our wives' eyes In our arms [04:48.79]And (I might add) in our wives' arms [04:53.36] [04:56.36]LAURIE: How come people from the North are so well organized [05:05.68] [05:06.34]Industrious pragmatic and--let's face it--preppy And [05:14.91]People from the South are so devil-may-care [05:19.34] [05:21.95]Every man for himself [05:24.46]PETER: I know this English guy who was driving around in [05:32.62]The South And he stopped for breakfast one morning [05:36.88]Somewhere in southeast Georgia He saw "grits" on the menu [05:41.76] [05:42.38]He'd never heard of grits so he asked the waitress [05:46.33]"What are grits anyway " She said "Grits are fifty " He said [05:53.99]"Yes but what _are_ they " She said "They're extra " [05:58.44] [06:00.58]He said "Yes I'll have the grits please " [06:03.35] [06:03.87]LAURIE: Over the river and through the woods [06:19.37] [06:21.02]Let me see that map [06:23.18] [06:25.51]PETER: A sideshow A smokescreen A passing landscape [06:34.80] [06:37.32]LAURIE: I was living out in West Hollywood when the [06:46.82]Hollywood Strangler was strangling women He was [06:50.93]Strangling women all over town but he was particularly [06:55.24]Strangling them in West Hollywood Every night there was [07:00.58]A panel discussion on TV about the strangler--speculations [07:05.58] [07:06.13]About his habits his motives his methods One thing was [07:11.51]Clear about him: He only strangled women when they were [07:15.66]Alone or with other women The panel members would always [07:19.77]End the show by saying "Now for all you women listen [07:26.00] [07:26.76]Don't go outside without a man Don't walk out to your [07:31.27]Car don't even take out the garbage by yourself Always [07:35.70]Go with a man " Then one of the eyewitnesses identified a [07:41.24] [07:42.58]Policeman as one of the suspects The next night the chief [07:46.91]Of police was on the panel He said "Now girls whatever [07:53.62]Happens do not stop for a police officer Stay in your car [08:01.12] [08:01.86]If a police officer tries to stop you do not stop Keep [08:06.51]Driving and under no circumstances should you get out of your [08:11.98]Car " For a few weeks half the traffic in L A was [08:19.00]Doing twice the speed limit [08:22.77] [08:23.47]PETER: I remember when we were going into outer space [08:35.44] [08:37.65]I remember when the President said we were going to look [08:41.38]For things in outer space And I remember the way the [08:45.59]Astronauts talked and the way everybody was watching because [08:49.15]There was a chance that they would burn up on the launching [08:52.35]Pad or that the rocket would take off from Cape Canaveral and [08:56.04]Land in Fort Lauderdale five minutes later by mistake And [09:00.03]Now we're not even trying to get _that_ far Now it's more [09:04.10]Like the bus Now it's more like they go up just high enough [09:07.67]To get a good view They aim the camera back down They don't [09:11.20]Aim the camera up And then they take pictures and come right [09:14.80]Back and develop them That's what it's like now [09:19.41] [09:20.06]Now that's what it's like [09:22.09] [09:23.03]LAURIE: Every time I hear a fire engine it seems like the [09:39.25]Trucks are running away from the fire Not towards it [09:43.60] [09:45.04]Not right into it They seem like monsters in a panic--running [09:50.20] [09:52.47]Away from the fire Stampeding away from the fire Not towards it [10:00.40] [10:01.70]Not right into it [10:03.93] [10:04.52]PETER: In Seattle the bus drivers were out on strike [10:13.19] [10:14.63]One of the issues was their refusal to provide a shuttle [10:17.32]Service for citizens to designated host areas in the event [10:21.84]Of a nuclear attack on Seattle The drivers said "Look [10:29.00]Seattle will be a ghost town " They said "It's a one-way [10:33.08]Trip to the host town we're not driving back to that ghost town "