Could You Please Oblige Us With A Bren Gun-Noel Coward and Orchestra
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[al:Go On .... Have a Laugh !!! (The Dave Cash Collection)]
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[00:00.00]Could You Please Oblige Us With A Bren Gun - Noel Coward and Orchestra
[00:08.55]Colonel Montmorency who was in Calcutta in ninety two
[00:11.97]Emerged from his retirement for the war
[00:14.97]
[00:15.83]He wasn't very pleased with all he heard and all he saw
[00:19.49]But whatever he felt he tightened his belt and organised a corps
[00:23.38]Poor colonel Montmorency thought
[00:26.20]Considering all the wars he'd faught
[00:28.15]The home guard was his job to do or die
[00:31.18]
[00:31.95]But after days and weeks and years bravely drying his many tears
[00:36.06]He wrote the following letter to the minister of supply
[00:39.56]
[00:40.07]Could you please oblige us with a bren gun
[00:43.97]Or failing that a hand grenade will do
[00:46.76]
[00:47.76]We've got some ammunition in a rather damp condition
[00:51.41]And major huss has a arquebus was used at waterloo
[00:55.47]With the vicar's stirrup pump a pitchfork and a stave
[00:59.22]It's rather hard to guard an aerodrome
[01:03.24]So if you can't oblige us with a bren gun
[01:07.01]The home guard might as well go home
[01:10.85]Could you please oblige us with a bren gun
[01:14.57]We're getting awfully tired of drawing lots
[01:17.02]
[01:18.56]Today we had a shipment of some curious equipment
[01:22.32]And just for a prank they sent us a tank that ties itself in knots
[01:25.62]
[01:26.21]On Sunday's mock invasion captain Clark was heard to say
[01:29.97]He hadn't even got a brush and comb
[01:33.19]
[01:34.00]So if you can't oblige us with a bren gun
[01:37.68]The home guard might as well go home
[01:40.75]
[01:45.70]Colonel Montmorency planned in case the enemy tried to land
[01:49.32]To drive them back with skill and armoured force
[01:52.12]
[01:53.05]He realised his army should be mechanised of course
[01:56.47]
[01:57.01]But somewhere inside experience cried my kingdom for the horse
[02:01.83]
[02:02.49]Poor colonel Montmorency tried at infinite cost to time and pride
[02:07.86]To tackle his superiors again
[02:10.94]
[02:11.69]Having just one motorbike fourteen swords and a marlin spike
[02:15.79]He wrote the following letter in the following urgent strain
[02:19.81]Could you please oblige us with a bren gun
[02:23.85]We need it very badly I'm afraid
[02:27.36]Our local crossword solver has an excellent revolver
[02:31.38]But during a short attack on a fort the trigger got mislaid
[02:35.39]In course of operations planned for Friday afternoon
[02:39.38]Our orders are to storm the hippodrome
[02:43.39]So if you can't oblige us with a bren gun
[02:47.14]The home guard might as well go home
[02:50.26]
[02:51.07]Could you please oblige us with a bren gun
[02:54.82]The lack of one is wounding to our pride
[02:58.14]
[02:58.76]Last night we found the cutest little german parachutist
[03:02.42]He looked at our kit and giggled a bit and laughed until he cried
[03:06.47]We'll have to hide that armoured car when marching through Berlin
[03:10.28]We'd almost be ashamed of it in the Rome
[03:13.77]
[03:14.31]So if you can't oblige us with a bren gun
[03:18.15]The home guard might as well go home
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