Ghost Haddock-Strangelove

[ti:] [ar:] [al:] [by:时间戳工具V2.0_20200810] [offset:0] [00:20.64]Jeremy Handlebars loved Sarah Jane Thomson [00:23.73]Sarah Jane Thomson loved Jeremy Handlebars [00:26.73]They were going to be married [00:27.75]And they were going to spend the rest of their lives together [00:30.39]And be very very happy [00:32.40]And that as Jeremy Handlebars so often said was that [00:36.63]Sarah giggled [00:37.62]It wasn't quite the proposal she'd imagined [00:39.96]But that was Jeremy all over once he'd made his mind up [00:43.20]He was just so decisive she thought [00:45.18]And she wished that she could be like that to [00:48.33]Jeremy said that it was destiny that had brought them together [00:51.27]And that no one not even he could defy the will of God [00:53.94]So there was no use in either of them fighting it [00:56.28]Or even pretending to [00:57.36]It was more a case of ironing out the practical details [01:00.27]And making sure everything ran smoothly on the day [01:02.97]I mean there was the question of the cake [01:04.65]And the flowers of course [01:05.91]And then who to invite [01:06.81]And then who not to invite [01:08.67]I mean where did you draw the line with a thing like this [01:11.49]Sarah smiled as she stopped listening and drifted off [01:14.40]It was true she could still remember that first day they'd met [01:17.49]As vividly as if it was now [01:19.41]And her attention swung back to five years ago [01:21.63]And that car boot sale in Norwich [01:23.25]When she thought of how she might nearly not have gone [01:26.04]She shuddered [01:35.28]Sarah's parents lived quite near Norwich [01:36.96]And on the weekend in question [01:38.88]She had gone back there on a sort of a visit [01:41.10]Her mum had phoned her up in one of her hysterical states [01:43.71]Between the sobbing Sarah learnt that Dad had started drinking whiskeys in the morning again [01:48.48]This time he'd threatened Miss Hand me down lightly the Lollypop Lady [01:51.66]By sticking a shotgun in her throat [01:53.28]And calling her a 'Handmaiden of the devil' [01:55.41]Before unloading into the air and falling down unconscious [01:58.50]It was just another incident in a long line of them [02:01.05]But Sarah's mum went through stages where she just could not cope anymore [02:04.83]And then Sarah would have to go back there for a while [02:07.38]S**t she thought [02:08.13]And got on the next train home [02:11.25]She knew there was nothing anyone could do about Dad [02:13.74]But she felt sorry for her Mum [02:15.18]And liked to tell herself that she loved her [02:17.13]And anyway there was no point in changing the rules of the game this late in the second half [02:21.57]It was the usual carry on when she arrived [02:23.34]Her mother cried and cried [02:24.87]While Sarah cooked food for her father [02:26.70]Which he threw against the walls [02:28.20]Then at about seven thirty each evening [02:30.21]And always a little worse for it [02:31.71]He'd go outside and sit in his car [02:33.66]Wind the window up [02:34.77]Shout the word Slags [02:36.15]Over and over again [02:37.38]As loud as he could [02:38.61]'Til he fell down into a drunken sleep [02:40.74]Then they'd carry him inside [02:42.12]And put him to bed [02:43.26]It was these screams of her father [02:44.91]That accompanied Sarah upon the walks she took [02:47.28]After she'd sneaked out of the house [02:48.93]And strolled along the B1172 [02:50.73]As it meanders its way into Norwich [03:01.92]Absentmindedly she happened upon the car boot sale [03:04.11]And really didn't know why or what she was doing there [03:06.48]Until she saw it [03:07.59]And then everything went clear [03:09.51]The gun cost seventy five quid [03:11.52]And after a moment's dilemma followed by some mental calculations [03:14.94]She decided seventy five was well worth it to blow that bastard's brains out [03:19.20]With glazed eyes and to be quite honest looking like a bit of a nutter [03:22.53]She stretched out her hand with the intention of making the gun hers [03:25.89]Now at that exact moment a truly rare occurrence in this universe [03:29.85]As it really was that exact moment [03:31.92]Somebody else she hadn't noticed and who hadn't noticed her [03:34.62]Stretched out his hand to take the very very same gun [03:38.13]It was Jeremy [03:39.60]The gun her hand and his hand all made contact at the exact same instant [03:44.13]Eyes and barrels all meeting simultaneously [03:46.53]Giving rise to what can only be described as something like a sort of true human communication [03:51.54]A real one off that allowed understanding to flood through and from and into each other [03:56.97]All Sarah's murder impulse was exactly and oppositely reconverted into a passionate desire [04:02.16]Meant with a deep felt admiration respect and love for this stranger [04:06.15]Jeremy said he felt the same [04:07.95]So they went for expresso's at Caldidge which is so convenient when it's just round the corner [04:18.32]They laughed as their stories unravelled [04:20.33]Especially when Jeremy revealed coincidentally [04:22.83]That he was there looking for a gun to empty all over his Mum [04:25.50]And she drank too [04:26.88]And when he'd been away on a two week Communications Course which work had sent him on [04:31.14]She had forgotten to feed his fish [04:33.00]And he's returned to find them sunny side down and motionless mid tank [04:37.71]He'd loved them fish [04:38.97]And he believed that they knew and loved him too [04:41.19]They were in fact unbeknownst to his mum [04:43.26]His closest and most treasured companions [04:45.90]He told how he sat frozen for a week after he found them [04:48.63]And how his only contact reality [04:50.67]Had become the sound of the distant tinkling of smashing glasses [04:54.06]Mixed in with the cackling laughter of his mother [04:56.25]As she entertained the local drunks upstairs [04:58.74]And the stench of ghost haddock [05:00.75]Which seemed to permeate the entire accommodation block [05:03.66]He told how he'd remained in this trance [05:05.40]The gun theory slowly revealed itself to him [05:08.10]And as it cleared he woke to find himself driving through the outskirts of Norwich [05:12.24]As he later went on to explain to Sarah he had never been to Norwich and it held no fascination for him whatsoever [05:18.36]In this sense at least he seemed a normal and sane man Sarah reasoned [05:22.32]And indeed in many ways we may assume that he was [05:25.20]They of course bought the gun as a token of their love [05:27.87]Jeremy paid for it like proper men do [05:30.33]That was five years ago now [05:31.44]And Sarah sighed as she returned to what she understood to be the present time [05:39.81]Their wedding came and went in relative safety [05:42.09]It was not interesting [05:43.44]In fact the next significant event to occur in their lives [05:45.96]Was some five years later [05:47.97]With some understanding this intermediate period is necessary [05:51.36]For fuller understanding of what was to follow [05:54.06]Jeremy and Sarah melted [05:56.13]They abandoned their own identities and grew into each other [05:59.34]As time dragged on their branches became so complicatedly intertwined [06:02.76]That it was impossible to tell from which person they had originated [06:06.48]They choked the individuality of each other in a frenzy that only the terror of loneliness will allow [06:12.12]Now neither knew the other or themselves [06:14.49]But clung to feigned personalities [06:16.56]They believed the other required of them [06:18.36]Their truly sickening and spineless existence [06:21.00]Based upon complete reliance upon one another [06:23.91]But at least they were not lonely [06:25.92]And respite did occur in the form of hobbies [06:28.35]Which they pretended to share and enjoy [06:30.36]But in fact did not [06:32.01]The irritation they so often felt for one another [06:34.38]They denied [06:35.25]But it would surface occasionally in sporadic eruptions of screaming and violence [06:39.54]Usually directed at the useless artefacts society offered them as distractions from each other [06:44.31]The TV the microwave and the dish washer [06:46.83]Sat as cold and silent witnesses to their futility [06:50.19]But they did have their uses [06:51.63]As the time spent working to get them [06:53.40]Would have been time they'd have to have spent with each other [06:55.92]In other words and put much more simply than this [06:58.44]They became what is commonly known as a right couple [07:08.28]The next significant event then [07:09.90]Was some five years after they'd tied the knot [07:12.36]Jeremy was at work doing his job at fishy Business Aquariums [07:15.09]Where he looked after the fish [07:17.34]And Sarah was at home rearranging their possessions [07:19.92]She never did seem to be able to get it quite right [07:22.47]She sat down and sighed absent mindedly [07:25.08]Picked up and toyed with the gun which had brought them together [07:27.63]Ten years ago that day [07:29.31]Which was kept pride of place on their mantelpiece [07:31.77]And which Jeremy insisted on being kept loaded [07:34.47]When it just went off [07:35.91]The bullet went straight through her [07:37.47]Where her liver was [07:38.76]Blood and bile and pancreatic juice [07:40.83]Splattered against the wall behind her [07:42.78]The three different fluids started dripping down the wall [07:45.69]And it looked like some weird kind of a race [07:47.85]And when one drop mixed in with another they would hurry each other along [07:51.27]On the descent to the floor [07:52.77]Or when one drop strayed into the path another one had already taken [07:56.28]That would speed it along too [07:57.99]And when the dripping stopped [07:59.46]And it dried up [08:00.63]It looked good [08:04.68]When Jeremy arrived home to find his beloved floating mid tank as it were [08:08.61]Something snapped inside him [08:10.38]Maybe it could have been something to do with electricity [08:12.69]Or maybe not [08:13.53]But anyway his brain his brain just shut off [08:16.53]And he stood there for about an hour completely motionless [08:19.41]And then when he started moving again [08:21.48]He was talking as if nothing had happened [08:23.61]He playfully scolded her as one scolds a small child for the mess she'd made on the wall [08:28.11]And then he cleared it up with a new kind of liquid [08:30.27]Which did do the job really well [08:32.40]And as he did so he carried on talking normally to her [08:35.49]The fact Sarah had never been much of a talker and tended to drift off [08:39.05]Was an enormous help in maintaining his delusion [08:42.17]He also found that as he dragged the corpse from room to room with him [08:45.45]It was best if he heightened his conversation to an excited jabbering [08:49.44]And unloaded all the banalities and problems he'd encountered at work [08:52.35]Or just talked anxiously about his money worries [08:54.81]Either way it really helped [08:56.91]The fact that their coupledom had made them extremely uncomfortable in front of other people [09:00.72]Due to the absurdity of their false roles [09:02.97]Had meant that visitors had not been welcome in the flat for many years [09:06.30]So that was 'no problemo' either [09:07.92]In fact Jeremy soon found this new state of affairs rather to his liking [09:12.84]Even when the body started to putrefy and fall apart [09:15.81]He lovingly transported the separate bits from room to room [09:18.90]And carefully reassembled them [09:20.52]Just the way he remembered her [09:22.44]He really didn't feel lonely at all [09:24.54]His favourite bits were her beautiful eyes [09:26.61]Which after they had become detached from the mother head [09:29.22]He kept in his pocket [09:30.54]And would affectionately fondle [09:32.19]Especially when he felt nervous [09:33.87]Or he was outside [09:35.07]And sometimes when the mood was right at night [09:37.38]He'd pick up an ear and place it to his mouth [09:39.45]And mumble secrets about love and desire [09:42.03]And if he could find all the right bits [09:43.71]He'd lovingly carry them to his bed [09:45.69]Where he'd fall upon them and wriggle and moan [09:47.82]On these special occasions he'd take the eyes out of his pocket [09:51.24]And place them on the pillow [09:52.65]And as he lay there writhing on what was left of the body [09:55.59]Her eyes would stare frozen cold and emotionless at the ceiling [09:59.37]Jeremy Handlebars didn't feel lonely at all