Old Age Killed My Teenage Bride-Half Man Half Biscuit

It was a natural state of affairs It was a quiet ambition of hers She had a room overlooking the lawn It was a perfect August morn And with a crossword clue in her head ‘Origin of Species' read King James' under the bed No broken bones, no gaping wound About 10 centimetres wide No sword protruding from her side It's just like Dr Forbes implied Old age killed my teenage bride She didn't care for adrenaline sports Never learned any difficult chords Did she ever have a scrap with a bear? If she did, I wasn't there And yesterday at a hundred and one She had a shower, cup of tea and a scone And just as ‘Cash In The Attic' came on Such sweet delight upon her face No armed response team stood outside No torso washed up on the tide It could not be more cut and dried Old age killed my teenage bride And when she reached her centenary year They gathered round her wanting to hear All the tips on staying the course She said, "At 21 I got a divorce And I hold no particular creed I've never coveted things I don't need Under ladders I walked without fuss ‘Cos it stopped me getting hit by a bus" And she turned to the children at her side And said, "Take the good and the bad times in your stride" And, "Abseil for no one." Then she died Seems old age killed my teenage bride Teenage bride My teenage bride