Uncle Harry-Noel Coward

[ti:Uncle Harry] [ar:Noel Coward] [al:Mad Dogs And Englishmen - Noel Coward Live In Las Vegas] [by:] [offset:0] [00:00.77]Uncle Harry - Noel Coward [00:01.99]Written by：Trad Coward [00:03.39] [00:06.88]My family has traditions [00:07.66] [00:08.24]I've heard them a thousand times [00:09.93]My relatives were not excessively bright [00:12.06] [00:13.41]They love to go off on missions [00:14.72] [00:15.23]To rather peculiar climes [00:16.55]And lead the wretched heathens to the light [00:18.69] [00:20.14]A few of them got beaten up [00:21.92]In course of these rampages [00:23.24]My dear Aunt Maud got eaten up [00:25.33]While singing Rock of Ages [00:26.72] [00:27.30]These family expeditions [00:28.20] [00:28.92]Admittedly are a bore [00:30.29] [00:30.92]But there is just one uncle [00:32.41] [00:33.18]That I positively adore [00:34.53] [00:38.74]Poor Uncle Harry [00:40.15]Wanted to be a missionary [00:42.04]So he took a ship and sailed away [00:44.07] [00:45.64]This visionary [00:46.08] [00:46.89]Hotly pursued by dear Aunt Mary [00:48.95]Found a south sea isle on which to stay [00:50.97] [00:52.18]The natives greeted them kindly and invited them to dine [00:54.80] [00:55.54]On yams and clams and human hams and vintage coconut wine [00:58.32] [00:59.09]The taste of which was filthy but the after effects divine [01:02.07] [01:02.73]Poor Uncle Harry [01:03.80] [01:04.34]Got a bit gay and longed to tarry [01:06.39]This Aunt Mary couldn't quite allow [01:07.92] [01:09.41]She lectured him severely on a number of church affairs [01:12.82]But when she'd gone to bed he made a getaway down the stairs [01:16.21]For he longed to find the answer to a few of the maiden's prayers [01:19.62]Uncle Harry's not a missionary now [01:22.10] [01:23.73]Poor Uncle Harry [01:24.95]After a chat with dear Aunt Mary [01:26.35] [01:26.92]Thought the time had come to make a row [01:28.88] [01:30.22]He lined up all the older girls in one of the local sheds [01:33.18] [01:33.84]And while he was reviling them and tearing himself to shreds [01:36.21] [01:36.97]They took their Mother Hubbards off and tied them around their heads [01:40.61]Uncle Harry's not a missionary now [01:43.13]He's awfully happy [01:44.27]But he's certainly not a missionary now [01:46.26] [01:54.93]Now uncle was just a seeker [01:56.29]A dreamer sincerely blest [01:57.71]Of this there couldn't be a shadow of doubt [02:00.27] [02:01.45]The fact that his flesh was weaker [02:03.04]Than even Aunt Mary guessed [02:04.06] [02:04.79]Took even her some time to figure out [02:06.67] [02:08.21]In all those languid latitudes [02:09.33] [02:09.96]The atmosphere's exotic [02:10.79] [02:11.69]To take up moral attitudes [02:13.12]Would be too idiotic [02:14.52] [02:15.08]Though nobody could be meeker [02:16.22] [02:16.77]Than uncle had been before [02:17.94] [02:18.58]I bet today he's giving way [02:20.61]At practically every pore [02:21.64] [02:25.89]Poor Uncle Harry [02:26.94] [02:27.49]Having become a missionary [02:28.97]Found the natives' morals rather crude [02:31.12] [02:32.56]He and Aunt Mary [02:34.14]Quickly imposed an arbitrary [02:36.01]Ban upon them shopping in the nude [02:38.02] [02:39.30]They all considered this silly and they didn't take it well [02:42.18] [02:42.71]They burned his boots and several suits and wrecked the mission hotel [02:45.78] [02:46.59]They also burnt his mackintosh which made a disgusting smell [02:50.03]Poor Uncle Harry [02:51.04] [02:51.56]After some words with dear Aunt Mary [02:53.49]Called upon the chiefs for a pow wow [02:55.34] [02:56.35]They didn't brandish knives at him they really were awfully sweet [02:59.48] [03:00.22]They made concerted dives at him and offered him things to eat [03:02.99] [03:03.59]But when they threw their wives at him he had to admit defeat [03:07.01]Uncle Harry's not a missionary now [03:09.14] [03:10.86]Poor dear Aunt Mary [03:12.29]Though it were revolutionary [03:13.38] [03:13.94]Thought her time had come to take a bow [03:16.28] [03:17.54]Poor Uncle Harry looked at her in who he had placed his trust [03:20.35] [03:21.14]His very last illusion broke and crumbled away to dust [03:24.26] [03:25.34]For she'd placed a flower behind her ear and frankly exposed her bust [03:30.29] [03:31.30]Uncle Harry's not a missionary now [03:34.01]He's left the island [03:35.30]But he's certainly not a missionary now