Heaven or Hell-Joe Budden

Joe Budden Gotta watch my back, It ain't safe at night It's too much to do, gotta get my paper right and its alot of my dogs, they either dead or in jail but if i kill myself, would it be heaven or hell? Gotta watch my back, It ain't safe at night It's too much to do, gotta get my paper right and its alot of my dogs, they either dead or in jail but if i kill myself, would it be heaven or hell? Yo at this present time, its alot of nonsense at stake too many ideas & decisions left to contemplate too much to deal wit too much to make a n____ have to steal s___ And its hurtin, cuz i gotta feel it with too much anger too many n____s know me, but they don't know me a___yzed popular stranger and peep how n____s try to change ya but i can't cope with no antidote two options, one is slittin' my wrist go to the precinct with a clip my fist so i keep a cig in my lips, s___ is painful, f___ suicide, done did too much dirt to know if I'ma be angel So help me god, cryin in my sleep cause you ain't pull me out of shark infested waters to die on the beach and I was told "don't trust, cause they plot at the end' So i treat friends as nobodies, and nobody as friend yo it just seems like troubles followin me lock & key, stuck in the belly of the beast, and its swallowin me with no cream, with no bundle to hustle and no scheme no n____s to run with and no team tell me what its like to have ran out of options when you goin all out or what its like to be in love and fall out just want to put it behind me and breathe without the f___in 9 to squeeze without the w**d and Hennessey to keep my mind at ease without rollin over, coilin myself, tryin to sleep without bein homeless & starvin and dyin to eat s___ wasn't like this at the youth house thoughout my teen years been forced to grow up too fast m_________er i'm not a youth now wish i could let alot of people see the true Mouse but i'm too scared to see him myself what'd be the use now? See I've done changed too much, I guess the water ran dry Man I been put through s___, For most of my life And I done lost my breath, but still i'm tryin to fight I can't take no more, cause i'm dyin inside From houses to gas stations, I've done robbed them all facing 10 to 20, that'll start a robber's fall Jacked whips in parking lots, I got the drop from Fords and this amount of victims coming out a shopping mall I'm a totally different n____ when i'm copping the raw apartments with ADT, got through the locks in the door I met some dollared out chicks, somehow i got in the drawers seen n____s dyin, cold blood that got shot in the war want a seed for the wrong reasons to see me different in hopes of me guiding so he'll never have to see a prison but my shorty got it f___ed up or maybe i just got it f___ed up somebody got it f___ed up what a n____ got besides his music thirsty as hell, can't smoke the water, cause I know that i'll abuse it And muf**kas can't afford to see that fuse lit they can't afford to see a n____ on some new s___ and where my pops at? A n____ need him now show up later on when im black, and f___, i'm bleedin now showin' my moms another side she never seen in me how the f___ she don't understand when its her genes in me how'd I progress in therapy while wantin' to leave this world and I know how to beat the system, but can't beat the world talk that "take my own life to get off the scene quick" unfortunate that i'm too much of a genius to really mean s___ Gotta watch my back, It ain't safe at night it's too much to do, gotta get my paper right and its alot of my dogs, they either dead or in jail but if i kill myself, would it be heaven or hell? See I've done changed too much, I guess the water ran dry Man I been put through s___, For most of my life And I done lost my breath, but still i'm tryin to fight I can't take no more, cause i'm dyin inside "Heaven or Hell" is a song by Joe Budden. It is track #32 from the album Not Your Average Flow that was released in 2004. Duration of this track is 04: 09.